Fear and Self Sabotage – Part Three

Fear and Self Sabotage

Fear and Self Sabotage – Part Three

So we know about self-worth and why it’s important, along with how this is related to fear and self sabotage, but I know what you really want to know is how the hell do we deal with it?!

It’s a long one so grab a cuppa, a comfy chair, sit back and relax!

Who’s your worst enemy?

Firstly, we need to understand that often we are our own worst enemy! By constantly telling ourselves that we’re not good enough and asking ‘who do you think you are trying to achieve x/y/z’ we are causing our own frustration and unhappiness.

This can be a harsh realisation for many people because we much prefer to blame everything/one else – kids, partners, in laws, pretty much the entire world! Even worse, we probably don’t even realise we’re doing it!

I decide to write a blog!

It’s 6:30am on a Monday in October, I’m poaching eggs and out of nowhere, the idea to write a blog pops into my head and I suddenly feel all warm and fuzzy with excitement. The more I think about it over the next few days, the more excited I get, I literally can’t sleep – I’m like a kid before Christmas!

I’ve got loads of ideas, they’re literally pouring out of me and after speaking with a few friends I make the conscious decision to do it. It just feels right!

I sit down to start writing and guess what – mental block! Pure feeling of being overwhelmed! And these are the thoughts which start to come;

  • Where do I start?
  • What do I write?
  • Who would read it?
  • What do I know about blogging?
  • What do I know about writing?
  • Who am I to think someone would be interested in what I have to say, let alone actually sit down and read it?
  • There are already thousands of people doing this, what do I have to share that’s any different?
  • What happens if I fail?

So what’s changed? One thing fear!

So what did I do?

The biggest and most important thing is to simply recognise it! That simple awareness is huge! Whilst ever we try to resist it and push it out of the way, it’s going to push back and trust me it will push back hard. And we know from my previous post that resistance leads to frustration.

So we need to be mindful and listen to what we’re telling ourselves. We need to acknowledge it and work with it, figure out why it’s there. For me, in the above example, the fear was arising for a number of reasons but particularly from doing something new and being out of my comfort zone. I now see this consciously as being how we develop and grow as people, but my sub conscious hasn’t caught up yet and is simply trying to warn me of future hurt and danger.

The next thing I did was literally write down responses to all the questions which had come up;

  • where do I start/what do I write
    • get a note pad and pen, carry it everywhere with you, as an idea pops up, write it down. Don’t try to structure it, just scribble. Do this for a couple of weeks and then start pulling things together. Trust your instincts.
  • who would read it
    • the friends I’ve discussed it with loved the idea, so there’s half a dozen already. You don’t need to reach thousands, even hundreds, just the people who are interested in your message. If you can help just one person change their life for the better it’s worth it.
  • what do I know about blogging
    • nothing, I’ll learn. A simple google search will be a good start! There are also people I know doing it already, I can ask them.
  • what do I know about writing
    • I can write, I’ve been doing since I was about four years old! I’m not trying to pull together War and Peace! The power is in my message, I will write it my way because this is the only way in which my passion will come through.
  • who do I think I am
    • someone pretty damn awesome who wants to share their story with people to help and inspire them to lead awesome lives and be true to themselves!
  • what will make me different
    • the way I tell it, it will be personal and real, not clinical.
  • what happens if I fail
    • at least I gave it a go and I won’t have any regrets. The fear of regret if I don’t do it, outweighs the fear of failure.

And this is what I said out loud – ‘hello fear, I see you’ve decided to make an appearance! Take a walk with me and let me show you how awesome this is going to turn out!’

She’s a cocky one isn’t she!

Now I can write quite cocky responses to these questions because I have the past experience now to back them up. Whilst my subconscious is still ‘defaulting’ to old beliefs, I can throw these comments out there and it will dig through its files and go ‘oh, ok, yeah I can see evidence of that’, ‘yep, check, she was right about that there, I’m happy to go along with her for now’.

Every experience is a new experience and an opportunity to re-write ‘old tapes’. Essentially, I’ve created new ‘evidence’ from new experiences.

Before that though, the idea is very similar just with a little less cockiness! To each limiting belief, we create the belief that we would like instead. But it’s important to not run before we can walk!

For example, let’s take my statement ‘what do I know about blogging’. My new belief could be ‘I’m the best blogger in the world’. With zero experience, even I can’t magic that one up to be believable so my subconscious is definitely not going to accept it!

So instead I would say ‘I will enjoy the journey of researching and learning how to write a blog’. Do you see how I’ve made a positive statement which is also believable? My subconscious says ‘ok, I can live with that one’ so when experiences arise, it can ‘file’ it against me ‘enjoying the learning process’ rather than seeing it as failure for not being ‘the best blogger in the world’.

What should you take away from this?

If you’ve been monitoring your thoughts, you should have a pretty good idea of what you’re telling yourself.

Write some opposing statements to those limiting beliefs and keep them with you (if you want more info on this go back to my ‘Mind Body Connection’ post). I’d love to hear them and provide feedback so please feel free to share them by leaving a comment below!

Read them first thing in a morning as it will set your mind on the right path for the entire day. Continue to be mindful of your thoughts, remember they’re not going to change over night! But when you notice an old statement popping in, replace it with your new positive statement and before you know it they’ll become your new beliefs!

We’re not done yet, one more post on fear and self-sabotage after which you’ll be truly kicking ass!

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Fear and Self Sabotage – Part Two
Next
Fear and Self Sabotage – Part Four

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