Fear and Self Sabotage – Part Two
Fear and Self Sabotage – Part Two
Following on from Part One I wanted to dig a bit deeper into the role of our subconscious mind in relation to fear and self-sabotaging.
The subconscious mind
It’s important to remember that fear and ultimately self-sabotaging happens on a subconscious level. It’s a result of all the ‘old tapes’ playing in our mind based on past beliefs and unfortunately that’s why many of us don’t even realise we’re doing it, or intend to do it.
The subconscious mind can be cruel! But remember that its primary role is to protect us, it’s not trying to be malicious but rather look out for us! For example, it remembers the first time we burnt ourselves and stops us from doing it again. But as we’ve been operating on ‘auto pilot’ for so long, it’s ‘in-charge’ and it’s not going to give up control without a fight! And it will go to some pretty dark places before it gives up its rein!
The subconscious can’t understand instincts either. You know that warm, fuzzy feeling we get when something just feels right! The subconscious is a bit like a computer, things need to be black or white so that it can be filtered and filed. It struggles with instincts and says ‘wow, wow, wait a minute, that’s all well and good but look at this truly awful situation which may happen! We need to spend all our time preparing for this and protecting ourselves rather than focusing on all that fuzzy joy and happiness stuff!’
How NOT to deal with fear!
In addition to our limiting beliefs, the conflict between doing what we should do and what we want to do, doesn’t make us feel good either. So we try to numb these feelings by self-sabotaging through alcohol, drugs, smoking, over eating, over spending, medicating – you get the idea!
Unfortunately, we can’t just numb the bad emotions so at the same time we numb all the good stuff too like joy, happiness and gratitude. We then feel even more miserable as we begin to feel more and more disconnected and without purpose and meaning in our lives so we numb the feelings even more and the negative cycle begins.
This clearly is not the way to deal with fear! I’ll be going through how we do deal with it in my next post as I know there’s already a lot to take in!
The pain/pleasure concept
A really important lesson that I’ve learnt over the last six months is that joy and happiness always follow pain. It’s so true that even Muller taught us this with their ‘pain, pleasure’ adverts for Mullerlight yogurts!
The joy and happiness may not follow immediately but I promise it will come and in all honest truth, if you can’t see it, it’s because you’re not looking for it because you’re still too focused on the pain. I know from past experience, that even when things are painful to begin with, there is an exponential amount of pleasure waiting on the other side!
I think about dealing with fear and limiting beliefs like walking through deep snow; there is some resistance and its quite slow progress but you know you’re heading in the right direction so you don’t give up. And the thought of that cosy pub, with good food, friends, a drink and an open fire is the reward at the end!
Fear isn’t all bad!
So here’s a curve ball – the purpose of fear is actually very good! Ultimately it’s what keeps us alive!
Fear is also how we know that something isn’t right, a situation isn’t in line with our core beliefs and something needs to change. It’s also a sign that we’re growing as people because we’re moving out of our comfort zones which ultimately is a positive thing!
Without fear we wouldn’t have excitement either! That feeling of doing something new for the first time. That first date feeling with butterflies in your stomach essentially is fear of the unknown! But it’s good right?!
Therefore, the aim is not to eliminate fear but to understand it. To learn to recognise it when it shows up, develop the tools to deal and work with it so we can interpret and respond to it more effectively. Essentially we want to make it our friend!
What should you take away from this?
Understand that fear and your subconscious are both trying to help you, but they just need a bit of training! We’re not trying to eliminate either, but rather develop the skills to work with them and use them to our advantage!
So for now, be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for where you are, your thoughts and actions. Say thank you to both fear and your subconscious for looking after you and keeping you safe up until now.
Next I’ll be sharing my tips on how to deal with fear and self-sabotage!
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