When Things Don’t Go According to Plan…

Progress

When Things Don’t Go According to Plan…

After my ‘Life’s a Journey…’ post, I wanted to show you how I apply this concept to real life. I’ve had a couple of situations not go according to plan recently, a couple of ‘knock backs’ shall we say, and I thought this was a great place to start.

The before…

Six months ago I wouldn’t have even sort out these opportunities but let’s say I had, I’d have taken these knock backs pretty bad. I’d have questioned my self-worth, my beliefs and mostly, I’d have let it scare me into never attempting to try for them again.

My negative thoughts would have run wild; ‘I don’t deserve this’, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘there must be something wrong with me’, ‘I’m a failure’. I’d have felt unsettled, frustrated and a need to control everything.

I’d have dwelled on it and sought out all the ‘negative’ things in my life and seen them as being just my luck! The fact I didn’t get a parking space, another sign of my shitty luck! The fact I’m sat in traffic, yet another sign! Life sucks right?! Wrong!

The now…

I’m not an emotionless robot! The knock backs did upset me. Some fears and ‘old tapes’ (sub conscious thoughts) did resurface and I did question my self-worth in a big way. In all honesty, I wanted to stay at home and feel sorry for myself.

So what’s changed?!

Before, this would have started a downward spiral which would have snowballed and lasted for days, if not weeks.

Now, it lasted a day max. Why only a day? Because I recognise the signs. I am aware of how my mind works and why, and have developed the skills to deal with it.

The realisation…

I’d associated these individual achievements as a sign of my self-worth. Because I’d became fixated on them I’d lost focus on the bigger picture. I’d started to put excessive pressure on myself and let achieving them define me.

So what did I do…?

I’m a huge believer that everything happens for a reason. So instead of letting myself get brought down by these knock backs, I understand that it’s not that I’ll never achieve them, it’s just that now isn’t the right time because there is something I need to learn or work through first. Or, there is a much better opportunity waiting for me just around the corner!

So what did I do after the knock backs? Absolutely nothing. Now I know you’re wondering ‘how’s that going to get me what I want?!’ I know from past experience that I just need to let things be because by doing this, I will create space in my mind for the answers to come. I also need to trust myself wholeheartedly to deal with whatever feelings arrive.

And the answers arrive….

A few days later I start to struggle with mindfulness, (staying in the now, being present) and some inner conflict. I’m starting to feel stressed, unbalanced and unsettled.

This may sound like a bad thing, but for me it’s good because these are the signs that I’m about to break through the barrier which I need to overcome. It’s a sign that the deep feelings which I need to work through are coming to the surface. This doesn’t scare me anymore because overcoming these barriers (which are mostly derived from fears) is how I’ve got to where I am today.

I know that for whatever pain I need to go through to resolve it, there will be an exponential amount of pleasure waiting for me on the other side. I just need to ride the wave!

What should you take away from this?

We’re not seeking the perfect life, perfection doesn’t exist. Life is a constant journey, we’re always learning, changing and improving.

By changing our mindset, we are undoing years of subconscious reactions, it’s not going to happen overnight! But even the smallest improvement is a step in the right direction.

Everything happens for a reason, what may at first seem like a knock back can often turn into a fantastic opportunity. If it wasn’t for one of these knock backs, I probably wouldn’t be writing this blog!

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  • Thank you for your insightful thoughts Helen. I love how you put everything into context – it makes so much more sense that way!

    I think that associating feeling ‘out of balance’ with an imminent and exciting breakthrough which will bring us closer to our ‘selves’ is such an empowering stage of the journey.

    Like you, in the past when feeling this way I would have panicked and tied myself in knots worrying that I was falling into the ‘pit’ and might never get back out. Now, when it happens, as it did recently, I can allow myself to feel the emotions – knowing why my mind is giving me these messages. Most importantly, I know it will pass and that there will be another important learning or wisdom to help me ‘become the best version of me.’

    Thank you for this honest and inspiring reminder.

    • Thank you so much for your comments Emily, you are clearly familiar with that feeling of empowerment – I couldn’t have described it better myself!

      There is a lesson in all of our experiences, each one is preparing us for the awesome future we’re building for ourselves!

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